When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
