jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
