i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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