why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
