as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize