Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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