so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
