If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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