Your dad touched me again.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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