go do what you do best...puke behind churches
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
