I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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