I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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