smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I wannas sexs uuuuu
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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