yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
