you would pick up someone in the library
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
