i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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