We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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