I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
