Define "chronic" masturbator.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
