So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
