Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize