Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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