Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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