I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
