I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
