Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
