And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
