Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
