ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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