i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
