Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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