fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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