Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
