I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Randomize
