Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
