Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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