dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
try to milk me bitch
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