either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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