Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
