You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize