I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
