the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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