he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
