Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
