it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
