I hate your face
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
