Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
