New low: just hacked my moms facebook
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
