Moan for me like Helen Keller
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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