I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
