There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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