My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Slut skills are useful in every country.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Found the puke drawer
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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