i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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