I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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