She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
