i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize