laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
