Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
