so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
