mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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