she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
