Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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