i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
how drunk are you?
Several
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
